I went to the store on Saturday to just TRY ON on size 11 jeans to see how soon I might be buying a pair, because my 12’s were getting pretty loose and floppy. I tried on an 11 and was all, Hmmm, because they felt loose. I grabbed a couple of 10’s in a few different brands and…blow me over, all of them fit. Seriously in shock about this at the moment. They’re still a bit snug in the leg but they feel perfect and I’m sure they’ll loosen a bit over the next few pounds.
I think I made a bit of a mistake on this one. I really should have tried on pants a while ago because this size change hit me hard upside the head. I forgot that whole thing about size changes coming a bit quicker when you don’t have a lot left to lose. Honestly, I was not mentally prepared for this. I’ve never dreamed of being a size 10 and I’m not sure what to think about it.
More than that, it’s suddenly become obvious to me that since I have about 10 more pounds to lose that I’ll probably end up in a size 8 in the end, and for real, that’s freaking me out. My mind thinks, how is it even possible to be over 5′ 9″ tall and in a size 8? That’s a size for a teeny little 5’1″ girl. I know that my mind is all wacky and confused about all things weight-size-food oriented and I’m not sure I’ll ever be “normal” in the head. But, being a “normal” size? It doesn’t feel like me. At all. So I’m struggling with it.
I was at Starbucks this morning for awhile, and every time a woman would come in I’d note her size and think, well, she looks like a regular woman and she’s probably a size 2, she looks like a regular woman and she’s probably a size 8, she looks like a regular woman and she’s probably a size 6. I came to the conclusion that, as long as you’re healthy and you look healthy and not skinny, you’re perfectly fine. The size 2 didn’t look any better at all than the size 6. She was just different.
So I went back to the store this morning and spent some time pulling out jeans and just LOOKING at what smaller jeans look like. Yeah. That didn’t work so well. I seriously don’t know how people can wear a size 6 unless they’re a fetus. It was disturbing.
I looked at size 9’s and they felt OK, pretty “normal” sized. I felt alright about them. The size 6’s were out of the question but I THINK I could wrap my head around an 8 in awhile. The smallest I’ve ever been is a size 12, so it’s surprisingly challenging for me to “get” this change in direction, so to speak.
My muffin top is almost gone now. Still there, but small enough that I don’t even care. Now my love handles are making themselves known. I’m not sure what I weigh right now but I guess what I’m going for now is to lose some more fat off of my stomach so I can be as healthy as possible.
I decided to buy a pair of size 8 shorts because I felt like if I had them in my possession that maybe I would warm to the idea over time. I have no interest in going to a size 6. I just don’t want to do it. It may make no sense to anyone else but to me, it makes sense. A size 6 is just ridiculously too small. So at least I’ve figured that out.
I tried on two pair of size 8’s and while they were way too tight, I zipped and buttoned them right up, so maybe it’ll be around the corner sooner than I imagine. I kind of thought that maybe I’d have to lose 20 more pounds to get there, but now I’m thinking maybe the 10 pounds will be it. That’s a little bit scary, I’m sorry if I’m annoying, but it’s a little scary.
I guess it’s entirely possible that when I reach goal I’ll still have a chubby belly and I’m going to have to be all good with that. I think I will be. I bought 5 CUTE short sleeved Mexican type/Bohemian tops today and all of them have an elastic/blousing going on at the waist. So maybe what I’ll end up doing is just disguising that bit of chub that may be left over at the end and maybe I’ll wear looser pants when I want to wear a really fitted, close fitting top.
Isn’t that what it’s all about anyway? There is NO need to be perfect and to have the PERFECT body. Just dress the body you have. That’s why I have absolutely no interest whatsoever of getting to a size 6. There just is no need to do that. I’m not willing at ALL to become skin and bones so that my stomach can be flatter. It’ll have to be a little disguised if that’s the way it’s going to go.