I feel 50% better and that 4 pounds is gone so I know I’m on my way back up again. I think I really see the light now. We ALL have limitations, whether it’s the fact that we have little ones at home, struggle with depression, work a job that requires a lot of overtime, have a spouse who doesn’t like us to exercise outside of the house, a broken foot, whatever. You don’t give the kids away because they’re holding you back from your exercise classes, you don’t divorce your spouse because they miss you when you’re out walking, you can’t make yourself “snap out” of your depression, you don’t go running on a broken foot, and you don’t push yourself to the point of break-down when you have health issues.
I guess that in the back of my my mind I thought things might change. But I get it now. I think I’m OK with it. There are hidden blessings there that I’m sure I’m not seeing yet.
I was feeling really self-centered about talking about all of this talk of diet and my guts and my “issues” over the past 2 weeks and then this morning I thought NO, the bottom-line is that I’m working through the real things that are in my life that might keep me from maintaining my weight in the end and we ALL have to do that. These are the things that are coming up for me, and if I cannot face them and deal with them in a way that works, I’m not going to be able to stay fit.
The most helpful thing I learned when I found out about the MS years ago, is that I can still do pretty much everything I want, I just have to do it DIFFERENTLY. That means maybe I go out and run 1 mile in the morning and 2 in the evening instead of 3 at once. It means taking a yoga class in which I can stop for 10 minutes before I go on to finish. The same thing applies to all of us. We aren’t usually lucky enough to get a completely straight shot through our issues. We have to be willing to zig zag our way around the problems so that we can move from where we are to where we want to be. And it’s completely possible to do that. I am reminded that I MUST look on what I CAN do and do those things and stop mourning what I cannot do. We all need to do that, don’t you think?
I’m going to accept who I am now. To be honest, I had been 100 pounds overweight ever since they discovered the MS and I thought…..you know….maybe losing weight would help a LOT…like cure me or something. So, I suppose a lot of my weepiness was because I realize that’s not happening. And that’s OK. I have so many other wonderful things in my life, I can handle some health issues. Everyone can’t have exactly what they want. So I’m going to move on from here and be a more flexible, relaxed Katie.
I’m not quite sure how to do that, but I’m going to figure it out. Starting with-I’m starting to get really excited to bike!! New Mexico isn’t the hilliest of places, but still there are most definitely hills. I’m not really loving the hilly-part of the concept, but I have a good bike and I know where the low gears are.
Around the first of April, we get to go to our 5 acres in Deming for a week. (I think I’ve mentioned that about 2 dozen times. Can you tell I’m excited to go?) One of the things I LOVE about “Sunshine Valley” is that it’s as flat as a pancake. Dirt roads that crisscross and connect for miles and miles with almost no houses to be seen and probably no more than 3 cars per 24 hour period crossing those roads. We’re throwing our bikes in the back of the truck and we’re going to do a lot of low-impact, low-stress biking each day. On the flats, that should be so fun.
The thought of retiring there is starting to really get me jazzed. There is almost constant sunshine, which is absoLUTELY pure medicine for someone with MS. It’s so flat that when I walk, run or bike, my effort will be minimal and therefore it won’t wipe me out as it does when I do the same activity in a hilly area.
I’m thinking that biking 10 miles will be about 1/4 of the stress that walking 8 miles is on my body. Maybe I’ve found my new “best friend” in biking. We’ll see.
I just wanted to throw the reminder out there that I’m sure you have your “big bad issues” too. Don’t let them stop you. Just find a way to zig zig around them and then be proud of yourself for doing just that.