I was sooooo not wanting to run this morning. Not. Wanting. To. Run. But my Meetup group was this morning. Sigh.
I was seriously tired. Beat up tired. But then Jamie showed up and she’s my favorite runner. We had a GREAT 3 mile run doing a run5/walk1 and we talked pretty much the whole way and I was sorry when it was over. I went from being dog-tired to finishing up the best run I’ve had all week long.
However. I am resting my butt now. I’m trying to learn the value of rest and moderation in my life. Those are 2 words that don’t compute and I’m not sure why. I’ve never known why. But I’m going to have to stop being such a child about that. The rest of the day I just enjoyed the day and relaxed. OK, I cleaned and cooked and watched my grown kids play video games. And I grocery shopped.
I went to the Sunflower Natural Foods market here in Abq so I could spend $65,000 on raw almonds and raw cashews. Because, you know, at health food stores things are so “SPECIAL” that they can charge you your first born child for them. I just bought the specialty things I’ve needed. I got almond flour, which is the only kind I can eat now. So basically, it’s almonds, ground up. And it’s $11 for 2 cups!!!
When I got home, I made these most bizarre “treats”. They’re a “Specific Carb Diet” recipe I found on Youtube:
The ingredients are so strange, I know, but I can have them all so they’re like gold to me. 2 c. Pork rinds, plain ones, crushed up, 4 T. all natural Peanut Butter with no sugar or anything else added, 2 T. pure honey and 2 T. melted butter. That’s it. Mold them into an ice scream scoop and slam them onto a plate and freeze for 15 minutes. They taste good. I mean we aren’t taking decadent here, but they’re a sweet treat if I want something.
I bought the almond flour because I found out I can use it to make a bread/muffin. Which, really, it’s not bread-it’s nuts. So it’s not a simple carb, which is interesting to me. I don’t know if it’ll taste like crap yet, because I need something else called dry curd cottage cheese or Farmers cheese, which is only sold at some Trader Joe’s and maybe on the moon. So I think I’d better start hunting for different cheese-less bread recipes. I’m anxious to try it. I think it could be nice to have a “bread” with soup.
I’m highly conscious that in having only 14 more pounds to lose, that I’m going to having to maintain soon, and that troubles me. I know I basically did it all summer long when I wasn’t losing, so I know I can do it. I think I can do it. But It seems scary. Big scary.
So today I decided I’m going to start the process now of practicing intuitive eating as opposed to “how many calories can I have today? For this meal? For that snack?” I’m practicing not worrying if I go under my calories on one day by several hundred because I’m simply not hungry, or about going over by several hundred if I eat more on a given day. So I’m working on that. I have no road map. None. I’m journaling a lot and I think that will help.
I’ll be in the 180’s in a few pounds and at that point, I think I’ll breath a sigh of relief because I’ll only be a tad away from my goal of 178. Honestly, lots of people think I should keep going and lose another 10-20. I think 178 is a good number. It’s the weight I was when I got married, and that was a fine size for me. It’s CLOSE to 180 which would be my freak out point if I edged up over that.
I wonder how people decide how low to go? I’m not 20. I’m not needing to attact a mate. All I have to do is the breath in and out to attract the mate I have. I’d be healthy. I THINK my waist will be at 35″or thereabouts, and I know that’s important for heart health.
Part of me wants to be a rebel too, I guess. I want to be healthy and slender and a little “in your face” about the fact that you don’t have to be skinny to feel good and look good. I guess we’ll see. I HATE this part of life. The “WAIT AND SEE” part. That has never, ever worked for me. Sigh.