Today is weigh-in day. I lost .20 of a pound this week!
I know, you’re jealous, aren’t you?
I find it ironic that in the week that I’ve finally decided to get serious again at the weight loss, I’ve felt like garbage with the MS.
Off and on, all month long-ALL month long, I’ve spent a day or two feeling like garbage and a day or two feeling better, then back again to feeling horrible. I think this explains why my weight is up a few pounds, because when I don’t feel well, there’s a lot of inflammation going on, including in my poor old brain. When I wake up, even my eyelids are puffy. Not pretty, I can tell you. The switch from summer to fall is hard on my body. I don’t know why, it just is.
My exercise is waaaay down too, because of the whole “not feeling good” thing. If you can do crazy aerobics and run and climb mountains, I’m more than jealous of you. I’m obsessively driven to perform and not being able to be my old self makes me nuts. But things change and you have to adapt. I’m going to do 25 minutes of yoga today, and because we’re going away for 3 days to Ghost Ranch on Thursday, I’m really, really, really hoping I can do that hard hike. I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw a major fit if I can’t. With tears and snot and everything.
Still, I’m happy, because all week long, my calorie count has been pretty good and I’ve been making excellent choices consistently. I’m keeping track, I’m AWARE and I haven’t really been aware for three months. I know that I need to keep track of my calories and just keep going, because eventually, even if I’m puffy as a blowfish, I’ll be losing actual fat, you know?
I actually find this whole thing amusing in the overall scheme of things. I’ve been at this weight loss gig long enough to know that these kinds of things happen. You work REALLY HARD and you get nowhere. And then? You want to quit. Ah, but the tricky part is that if you don’t quit, if you just stubbornly press on, against all odds, you’re going to get somewhere!
Since I’m mathmatically challenged, I asked my husband, “What if I only lost say, .40 pounds per week for the whole year?” (Of course I only lost .20 so I’m being generous here.) Apparently, if I only lost .40 per week for a whole 52 weeks, I’d be 20 pounds lighter in a year. I’m more than OK with that!
Wouldn’t you think that after losing almost 80 pounds, I’d FEEL thinner? But I don’t. I just still feel like me. And on days when my weight shoots up 4 pounds overnight when I’m all puffy? I feel like I weigh almost 300 pounds again. When I see pictures of myself now, it shocks me. Nooooo, I’m not thin, by any stretch of the imagination, but when I SEE myself in pictures? I’m shocked that I’m not really so very overweight, which is the way my brain sees my body.
I had to pull out pictures of myself today to remind me that yes, I’m doing well, I look fine. I’m moving onto the next .40 ounces!!!
*Exercise: 60 minutes slooooow walking in the sun. LOVED it!