Yesterday, after work, Jeff and I walked 4 miles and talked and unwound from the day; 4 miles is a lot of talking time and a lot of walking time. We talked a lot about acceptance of things on a day to day basis and how, in the end, overall, things simply don’t matter as much as we make them out to matter.
We discussed Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison and how much they’d contributed to the world and how as average people in the USA, we don’t really contribute a lot to our society. When we’re gone, the people who love us will mourn us of course, but overall in the grand scheme of things it won’t matter that much that we’re gone. I’m not saying that we, as people, don’t matter, but I think that we believe that every single little issue in life is a mountain when it’s not.
I’m 50 now and Jeff is 51, and while we’ve both grown tremendously as people over the years, there are issues that are prickly to us individually that we both realize we’ve been dealing with since we were 17. I think that sometimes “acceptance” is in order.
I’m always so focused on the future that I forget to appreciate the day at hand and the joys it brings. I want to do more of that. I want the things that I want not to matter as much as I think that they do. In 10 years, God willing, I’ll be 60 and I’m sure that I’ll have grown more by that time and that I’ll still be dealing with some of the same issues, as if I must take care of those things RIGHT NOW.
I know that it doesn’t matter how many pounds I weigh today, really, it doesn’t. I’m healthier now, so much healthier, and happier now that I’ve lost 50 pounds. I need to lose 65 more, that’s a lot of pounds.
There are other things at play in my life. I get really frustrated with not being able to be at my home in New Mexico; being away for more than a month at a time, many times during a 12 month period is difficult to do. I truly do want to kick back at time and make it do what I want it to do; I need to accept the timetable of things a lot better than I do right now.
I’m exploring new possibilities this week, possibilities that force me to trust myself and the process and the future and it’s hard for me, very hard, but I truly want to come out on the other side, next year, a better person than I have been in recent years. I know that requires changes in many areas, mostly in my attitude.