I made a mistake last night and I think it’s worth talking about here. I went to sleep last night reading “The Weight Loss Diaries”. That didn’t turn out to be a good choice, or helpful in any way to the journey that I’m on.
In all fairness, this book is very well written and I’m only about 2 chapters into it, but unlike “Diet Girl” which has such a hopeful and determined face about it, this book seems to be all about obsessing about food, dreaming about it, negativity and hopelessness.
The author was hired by Shape Magazine for a 2 year contract to talk about her efforts to lose weight…mostly fruitless efforts, as a serious binger with extremely negative people around her. I couldn’t stand to live around the people that she has to tolerate. The book is the behind the scenes look at what went on in her day to day life as she continued to miss her monthly goals in her writing for the magazine’s weight loss column. It’s a true story and a true look at how hard it can be, but it’s not my situation and honestly, it’s just bad karma for me at the moment.
Again, I know this is a good book…and I flipped to the back to see that yes, the author does get help and does start losing, but at this moment in time, I need to follow people who have lost weight and who have a dedication and a hopefulness about the future.
I turned off the light and found myself thinking of HUNDREDS of things I could eat. That’s what I mean. I think if you’re reading something that’s supposed to be an encouragement and all it makes you do is crave what’s killing you, then it’s probably not a good choice to have in your life. It’s like having a serious problem with fast food and then driving through McDonald’s every single day to “just get a Diet Coke”. Why torture yourself?
I tucked that book away to read it sometime next year when I’m more able to not let things like that affect me, and then pulled out “The Carb Queen” and started on it. So far, I like it.
This morning when I woke up, I didn’t feel all that hot. I really overworked it yesterday, and that usually makes me not feel well…so it’s a little slow going this morning. Plus, I was starving for the first time in over 3 weeks, something I attribute directly to reading that book last night.
I decided that if I was going to eat more than I normally do, it would have to be low calorie, healthy, whole foods…and then lots of talking to myself to keep myself in the zone.
I made a 5 egg white omelet with 1 T. of cheddar cheese and 1T of green chillies and 1T of red chili sauce (just water and spice): about 175 calories. Then I made TWO servings of oatmeal! No butter, no sugar, no milk. I like it plain. While that was cooking, I ate the egg whites and had a cup of coffee and by the time the oatmeal was done, I realized, I’m not hungry at ALL and there’s no way I can eat even one spoonful! So I covered it in plastic wrap, stuck it in the fridge and walked away.
Now that intrigues me. I truly get now, that allowing myself to associate with people or books or tv commercials that influence me to overeat or even to dwell on foods and all of the things I could eat…will destroy my efforts. It really was just a head thing but I thought it was honest, true hunger.